Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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