Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
