Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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