i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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