Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Your penis caused this!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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