He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You dont lie about slip and slides
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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