It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we're making bets on your personal life
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
