i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
