Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
