I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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