Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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