fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
