I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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