I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
