i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
