he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
