You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
