No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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