How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Are my feet made of real feet?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
