I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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