i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
