I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
