How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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