I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
