Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
