I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
