I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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