is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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