she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
