Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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