I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
