you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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