so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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