Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't turn off my feet"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
