Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
