so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
