conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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