Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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