I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
