you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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