Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
we should paint friendship bongs
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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