I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
