Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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