so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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