You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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