there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
