when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
