Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
