there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
