chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize