At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
