Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
