I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
